The cougar dating phenomenon has left some clueless people wondering, “Why do younger men like older women?” To such people, it’s very normal for older men to be attracted to younger women but present them with evidence of the opposite and their first response is puzzlement.
Well, it’s actually perfectly natural for a younger man to be attracted to an older woman. The Mrs. Robinson fantasy is a classic, and it’s not just thanks to the timelessly sexy Anne Bancroft. In many ways, “sexual education” is a rite of passage for many boys, especially the ones lucky enough to meet a cougar or a “milf” during spring break.
When it comes to a serious “May-December” attraction, however, it’s usually because the younger man is more comfortable dating older women in general, and it’s not just a passing phase. Based on surveys and interviews, we’ve compiled eight reasons why older women are so irresistible to young and virile men…and some of the reasons may surprise you.
While it’s not the only reason cougars hook up with younger men, a more adventurous and satisfying sex life is one reason why age disparity lovers get together in the first place. Not only do mature women have more experience with sex (unlike younger women who oftentimes expect the man to guide them through it like some super-alpha Christian Grey wannabe) but they also have had lots of practice, whether from years of dating or a past marriage.
Older women are also more likely to know what they like sexually, whether it’s a “hot young stud” fetish, some freaky BDSM technique they have been exploring or simply how she likes to be pleasured. Simply put, older women are ready to party and younger men do love it when a woman lets her hair down and proves she can be just as dirty-minded as a man.
Some young women have the habit of treating sex like a bargaining chip. They may want money, prestige, or have family aspirations in exchange for providing for the young man’s needs. But the point is, they know sex is a power play and that’s part of their attraction.
Older women, on the other hand, are more likely to enjoy sex for purely psychological and physiological reasons…you know, like a jock does. They may have even suffered through a sexless marriage before their divorce and so remember what it’s like to be in a relationship without all the mindless, animalistic sex -miserable!
According to Cosmopolitan’s interview with three cougar-chasers, one reason younger men desire older women is because these ladies tend to be mature when it comes to the real world. This is in stark contrast to younger girls who are inexperienced in life and may be overly career-minded, or perhaps the opposite, just scatterbrained and impractical when it comes to getting their head on straight.
Older women already know themselves and are set in their careers and family life. So when they date younger men, there is less “drama” associated with a purely sexual relationship or even in a serious loving relationship. There’s not much to figure out but a lot of momentary bliss to enjoy.
These women are not dependent on their male counterparts and there’s nothing really to risk, except a casual friendship built on mutual respect. Respect of privacy, distance and individuality. These women know what exactly they want…and yes, men find that incredibly alluring, being the “problem solvers” they are.
While younger women might be equally open-minded about sex, mature women are open-minded about everything, and that includes different worldviews, in-depth conversations, creative and intellectual pursuits and world culture.
They are worldly-wise and can talk about anything, from Aristotle to Xena, Warrior Princess! And yet, they can also afford to be playful in conversation and in romance.
In a Today article, one interview subject said that he felt he could talk about anything with an older woman (as in unfiltered communication, no holding back, just speaking one’s mind) and yet, the same was not true of younger women. The “cougar” offered him the freedom of expression, more space and more challenging ideas. Simply put, she was his “best friend” instead of his girlfriend and that relationship helped him feel better about himself.
Whether young men just want a kinky one night stand, a friends with benefits relationship, or even a traditional long-term romance, older women are usually more attune with his relationship pace. Whereas young women tend to want a committed relationship right away once there is a strong connection, older women are cool – they’re “chill” – they’re more of a “play it by ear” temperament.
Simply put, no cougar is going to want to take a young stud shopping for baby clothes, nor does she want to talk about weddings or meeting her extended family. In fact, it’s usually more difficult to get a cougar to commit to a serious romance, since they’ve most likely already been there and done that and are now just wanting to have fun just like the guys.
One of the things that inhibits attraction for younger men and women their own age is that if both the man and woman are nervous, it’s difficult to flirt, relax and test chemistry. So a man does have to be appear confident to put a younger woman at ease.
An older woman tends to be very confident by nature and so isn’t “above” starting a conversation, drawing a man’s opinion out, and making him feel “at his best”. Confidence is actually contagious in this respect, since he feels more at ease now that she’s broken the ice. They talk to each other without reservation or with an awkward feeling of trying to impress each other.
Confidence is sexy and it does encourage conversation. And yes, the chemistry is amazing when two people are at their best and totally into each other.
When a person has no ambition, hobby or aim in life they tend to be…well, a bit boring. Hey maybe someday robots will replace half the population, but that time hasn’t come yet!
Boredom isn’t sexy and younger men will often tire of the same young woman persona – the nice girl (or wild party animal or whatever) who expects men to pay for her and to entertain her.
Older women bring something new to the table. They may have an ambition they’ve already fulfilled or are working towards and this makes them more enthusiastic and talkative, which fuels conversation. They can share experiences and connect with men who envy their talent, or their adventurous lifestyle. The more you live and enjoy life, the more fascinating hanging out and having sex with you seems…see how that works?
Whether it’s the motherly experience or just the wisdom of a mature partner in life, older women tend to be emotionally mature and thus more helpful towards a man who wants to express himself but is hesitant. Men who are feeling afraid, sensitive or vulnerable have often stated that they enjoy talking to mature women who know how to listen, how not to judge, and how to say just the right thing to communicate warmth and moral support.
There is always a good reason to date an older woman and the discovery process of getting to know her, and appreciating her unique qualities, is the best part of dating!