Here’s one downside to cougar dating that most cougars and cubs have had to deal with at some point: Everything seems to be going fine…you’re happily getting to know each other and all is well. The sex is exciting, the romance is pure bliss and your future is delightfully uncertain.
Then it happens…someone comes out and says “what everyone’s thinking” and makes a cruel remark about how she’s too old for you (if you’re the cub) or “he’s too young for you!” (if you’re the cougar). Sometimes friends are sarcastic and make insensitive jokes about it. But sometimes family can be even more hurtful, since in their minds, they think they are helping you to see reality.
How can you deal with people who don’t accept your relationship or who make fun of you or your date?
First things first – don’t explode into a rage and say something harsh you’re going to regret and then go have rough sex with your forbidden lover. Actually, the latter part of that sounds like a great idea…
But too many of us make the mistake of losing our temper and playing into the family drama. Don’t rise to the bait. Here are 6 tips on how to deal pragmatically with criticism about your older woman younger man relationship.
Determine if YOU are happy in the relationship before taking it so personally.
Unfortunately, this does happen quite a bit. Parents, siblings and close friends can recognize potential problems in the relationship before YOU can, since you’re high on the Love Hormone and addicted to all that taboo, hair-pulling passionate sex.
So try to determine if your family’s criticism is specific (which indicates something observable and possibly problematic) or if it’s just empty snark – probably motivated by jealousy. After all what woman wouldn’t want a young stud catering to their every whim? No wonder mom is never too happy with the cougar next door.
Realizing that you have been honest with yourself about what you want in the relationship, and having talked over any concerns with your partner, will help you to stay strong internally. Once you understand that there is NO BASIS to the personal criticism, withstanding the low blows will not hurt as much. You will sense that those nasty comments are just coming from fear, jealousy or maliciousness. And you’ll feel so much better.
Whether you’re the cougar or the cub, coming from a place of love rather than hate or bitterness is going to be much more effective. If your family is worried about your long-term happiness, explain to them how and why your partner makes you happy.
Is it because they make you feel protected? Secure? Loved? Attractive? Then just be honest and show them why your partner is perfect for you for the time being. Helping them to understand that you’re not miserable, and that the only stress in the relationship is THEIR CRITICISM, is the best way to get someone you love to back off.
In essence, spend more time with people who accept you and less time with people who judge you.
If your friends or family are constantly bringing down your happy mood, while your partner and their friends are encouraging you and helping you feel better about life, it’s easy to see to which “side” you belong.
You want to be around people who are positive, respectful of your relationship and privacy, and who do not want to constantly barrage you with personal insults or warnings. Perhaps spending less time around these negative people and their toxic thoughts, is a good way to remind them that you don’t have to tolerate constant negativity in your life.
A quick way to get haters – and well intentioned criticism – off your back is to embrace the humor and stop apologizing for your desires.
It’s actually amusing how some people think saying, “Oh you sure have a type, don’t you?” is a bad thing. Of course, everyone has a “type” because we can’t help who we are attracted to!
So what if older women like younger men? It’s simply biological instinct that drives us to admire youth and beauty. Some men just love flirting with older woman and the feelings it gives them. Why then are some of us ashamed when someone calls us on our own natural behavior? Why do jokes bother us?
If your friend is just razzing you about your preferences, and they don’t mean any serious harm, then just learn to laugh off their silly comments, or embrace the label they’ve given you as a positive thing.
If your girlfriends are joking about you becoming a cougar then wear that label with pride because you have very refined tastes! If a boy’s friends have to rub it in that he’s a cougar-hunter or a milf-chaser, then laugh it off and be thankful that you found a relationship in real life that’s just as hot as your wildest fantasies.
If the remarks are becoming too mean-spirited, talk honestly to your friends and family about why it hurts you. Whether these judgmental statements are in the form of jokes or “just saying” comments, it’s quite possible that the person is not aware of why these remarks hurt and you need to be assertive in explaining why.
Are they disrespecting your partner whom you care about deeply? Are they insulting to your intelligence? Are they insensitive about a person’s age, body shape, or perhaps even their race or ethnicity? Do they imply that you are foolish or that your partner is seducing innocence in some way – or perhaps even breaking the law?
These are all very insulting things to say, whether in jest or not and the person speaking them needs to be told so. Remember when they make fun of your partner in a cruel way they’re not just insulting them, but you – you’re being verbally bullied and that behavior has to stop if the friendship is to continue.
Let’s be honest…although the mature thing to do is to be assertive and talk about your feelings, the fun thing to do is to make a wisecrack back at your judgmental friend. Of course, when you say mean-spirited things like “Oh I wish I could be as smart about dating as you, Miss Divorced Five Times!” you’re only adding fuel to the fire and causing an even bigger rift.
Here’s an idea…instead of being mad about it, be generous. Offer to fix up your jealous BFF with a hot young man to their liking and let them personally experience the advantages of a younger older relationship. Chances are, this will shut them up quickly and probably embarrass them into never speaking about it again!
There are always ways to deal with people who want to “rain on your parade”. Don’t give them the satisfaction of ruining a this relationship because that’s what they want to see happen. Be strong and be communicative and you can survive whatever they throw at you!